Where I Stand...

...on this issue...




Eric

Priceless...

Found this at the Highlander Bulletin Board as posted by Lloyd the First...too damn funny!

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go."

At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really ... tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."

Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this .... A two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and...... Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill."

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail.

Like I said...Priceless...

Eric ;)

Final Diagnosis...

ME: "Okay Doc...let me have it! What have I got? Give it to me straight...I can take it! I've had the Treadmill Test, 3 EKG's, and Echo Cardiogram and blood panels....What is it???"

DOC: You have Orthostatic Hypotension which triggered a Benign Postural Syncope (sync-coh-pee) due to dehydration and supination.

ME: *Stares at Doctor...blinks eyes a couple of times*

DOC: You get a head rush when you stand up and you passed out because you jumped out of bed too quick.

ME: Oh.


Yeah...nothing in the blood test, nothing from the treadmill, nothing from the Echo Cardiogram (Which was pretty cool seeing and hearing my own heart on a sonagram!)

What the cardiologist said is that I am in the 1% of the population who has passed out more than three times in his life due to low blood pressure. Not a problem when I'm up and moving or flying the plane or doing Kung Fu or whatever. Just a problem when I try to stand up to fast after being sedentary. It will just be a nuisance for the rest of my life and I need to drink more water, add a little more salt to my diet and tap my feet on the floor before I get up to tell my brain to tell my heart that I'm getting up and to not let all the blood flow to my feet!

They wanted to do a tilt table test to prove this but I declined. A gal at work lost her medical for a year and a half after failing the test and the Doctor said I really didn't need to take the test as I have a very mild case of Orthostatic Hypotension...something that just about everyone has at one point in their life. I just have it more than most and losing my medical means I can't fly. That's not good since that is my livelihood right now!


On another note...it's going to be damn hot here in Redding this week. 108-109 degrees for at least 5-7 days...yeah...Summer's here...with a vengence!

Eric

Listening To Michael Roe...

..."The Boat Ashore" and heard this again for the first time...

I Buried My Heart At Bended Knee
(Mike Roe, Bruce Spencer)

So long ago I drew a line
For myself in the sand
Time after time I moved that line when I crossed it again and again
Here we are back at the same old place
Down on the ground on my knees
But I'm still staring you right in the face

I know that I've been afraid
And I'm getting jaded more and more every day
I don't really care what anybody says
I ain't gettin' closer while I'm running away
How many times on a raging sea
If you see me going down, you gonna rescue me?
If I turn back to you on bended knee will you unlock my cage?
Will you set me free?
Set me free...

I've got a debt that I carry around
Carry around like a weight
It don't relieve me to know
That it's already paid
I've been a long, long way from my home
I went the wrong way
Now it seems I'm bound and determined to roam
Roam on babe

How many times in the burning heat,
If I go down in flames will you rescue me?
If I turn back to you on bended knee will you unlock my cage?
Will you set me free?
Set me free...

The Initial Diagnosis Is...

...Orthostatic Hypotension Syncope.

What's that you ask?

Here's the basic explanation:

Orthostasis means upright posture, and hypotension means low blood pressure. Thus, orthostatic hypotension consists of symptoms of dizziness, faintness or lightheadedness which appear only on standing, and which are caused by low blood pressure. Only rarely is spinning vertigo caused by orthostasis.

Yup...a head rush.

This site, http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/medical/orthostatic.html
gives a lot more information about it. In my Google search I came upon Merck's website which gave a LOT of information that, unless you were a doctor, you'd probably have a hard time understanding much of what is written. (Yes, I understand the words on the Merck site but the medical concepts I'm a bit fuzzy on not actually being a doctor!)

I have an appointment tomorrow with a cardiologist who specializes in low blood pressure.

I've had this all my life but I think the stress of the last couple of weeks has exacerbated it even more. The last time I passed out from a head rush I was about 17-18 years old. Usually I just feel light-headed, a little dizzy and sometimes I get tunnel vision. But it has never happened at Kung Fu nor while I'm flying. I guess my heart is pumping hard enough during those times to keep me going!

Eric

No More...

...self pity and loathing.

Yeah...I got problems. Nothing new...so do you.

I'm tired of moping; bemoaning my existence. Nope...I'm not gonna do it.

Why?

Two things. I had a good day and I was reminded who's I am.

There is no problem bigger than God. Nope. Whatever happens, I have to rest in the knowledge that I am His, regardless of what I do.

And I saw Fantastic Four today with the boy. Good flick! Bad reviews only make me want to see things more. They didn't like Daredevil...I did. They didn't like F4...I did. Yeah...they played around with the story-line on how they got their powers and Von Doom's transformation the same way they played around with Peter Parker/Spiderman's web-making ability. It works though...made Von Doom creepier.

And despite Reed Richards' screw ups, he realized what was important.

Yeah...I'm grasping here...so sue me....I'm trying to put the hell of the last three weeks behind me.

Eric

Waiting For The Other Shoe...

...to drop.

I really thought I'd hear what my "penance" (as my relapsed-Catholic co-worker refered to it) would be. But nope. Not a word. Silence from the Home Office is almost worse than the punishment my fertile mind has dredged up in the last couple of weeks. And sitting at work doing what amounts to holding down my chair is almost as bad as sitting at home doing what amounts to holding down the sofa.

Back to my previous post.

Sometimes my faith takes a beating. Crisis has a way of focusing one's attention to one's problems. It's like taking the dark sunglasses off and seeing the rest of the world.

My fear is, that in my arrogance and pride, I have also been selfish. Have I neglected my children's needs? My wife's? And for how long? My wife constantly tells me I'm a good man and a good father and a good husband. But I often don't feel that way. My motivation to succeed is to provide for my family's needs. Their physical needs are being met, no doubt, but how am I doing on the mental and spiritual side? I guess I should ask them, huh!

Do I have salvation or a relationship with the God of the Universe? Somedays it seems as if I'm saved by the skin of my teeth; that only because God is a God of mercy and grace do I have my ticket to heaven. Somedays it seems that God and I are pals; albeit a pal who just also happens to have created the Universe. Sometimes is seems like I'm doing all the right things and sometimes I feel like I couldn't do the right thing if it was spelled out for me and someone led me by the hand. All relationships take work. Nothing comes easy in this world...at least not for long.

What I'm really afraid of is that God will ask me to do something I don't want to do. Then I feel guilty for not wanting to do something that God might ask me to do because I don't want my cushy life to evaporate. I don't want my wife and kids to worry about food, shelter and clothing. Then I remember that there are those in the world who rely on God every day for just food, shelter and clothing.

It's a whirling dervish this life of faith I have. And I guess I'm not alone. Others have said their lives are swimming in the same whirlpool as I. Some of us are better swimmers than others. (Now where did I put my water wings??)

Eric

So Far...

Went to the doctor on Wednesday for my treadmill test.

It seems I'm fine...at least initially. My heart beats as it should, I hit all the targets set out for someone my age/weight, and I didn't pass out! Apparently, at first glance, there is a problem with my "wiring". When I stand, all the blood rushes from my head. Yeah...I know...it's called a head rush and it's common; I've experienced it most of my life. But when it happens everytime you stand up and you get tunnel-vision and you pass out, then it becomes a cause for worry.

Especially when your wife asks you what you're doing on the floor and you respond, "How did I get here?" and the last thing you remember is going "hmmmmm" and wondering why the world was going black?

I'll find out the results on Monday.

And the therapist called back. I'll be seeing someone on Monday the 18th for the first time in my life to deal with my ADD/ADHD. Looking back on this whole episode at work has shown me, screamingly, the warning signs that I was headed for some kind of disaster. Unfortunately I wear blinders...the one on the left is called "arrogance" and the one on the right is called "pride".

I hate them both.

I lived for so many years thinking that accepting Christ was a cure-all for all that ailed me. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Not true. Yes, some people experience great relief from physical, mental and emotional problems and yet others still live with them. Both kinds of people do have one thing in common; the spiritual aspect of who we are is the one that is radically changed. We are "saved" for a lack of a better word.

Some who are "saved" still smoke, still have problems with pride, still over-indulge in food, sex, drinking, etc. Some doubt on a daily basis their worth in Christ. Some of it is self-induced, some is a lack of critical thinking skills, some is the subtle work of Satan (Read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis rather than Peretti's book for a better understanding of how the underworld works!) I wrestle with a lot of these issues both in myself and in my observations of others. My Baptist upbringing suggests we may not be "real" Christians or at the least, backsliders in need of prayer.

Yeah...that's me. In need of prayer. Because right now, I ain't cuttin' it. My house of cards collapsed under the Ace of Spades and I'm back to square one...a foundation that's firm but limited structure on top.

Wheat and chaff or precious stones and jewels? Or are they merely brightly painted rocks? Sometimes my rose-colored glasses get fogged and I can't tell the difference. Sometimes I take them off and see just what it is I am building with.

I'm rambling again...I'll shut-up now...

Eric

Thots...

(Not mine...Mikeys! http://www.mikeysFunnies.com)

4 out of 3 people have problems with fractions.
A flashlight is a cylindrical device for storing dead batteries.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
A hearse is poor transportation for your first church visit.
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.
Born free. Taxed to death.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Dear Dorothy: Hate Oz; Took the shoes; Find your own way home. Toto
DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL"?
Do NOT argue with a spouse who's packing your parachute.
Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?
Do you want to be right or in a relationship?
Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be out until further notice.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll eventually get run over if you just sit there.
Ever wonder why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Ever wonder why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Ever wonder why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Ever wonder why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Ever wonder why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Ever wonder why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Every time I say that dirty word..."EXERCISE"...I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Father: "My teenaged sons have learned at least one Bible memory verse. That would be Luke 24:41, where Jesus asks His disciples, 'Do you have anything here to eat?'"
God loves us not according to how we do but according to who He is.
God will never make you more holy than you want to be.
Guess which one of the seven dwarfs I think you are...
He who laughs, lasts.
Hey, did the wizard ever get back to you about that brain?
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
How do we know that Adam could run fast? He was first in the human race.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
I can fix anything! Where's the duct tape?!
"I don't question YOUR existence." - God
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister!
I need not suffer in silence while I can still whimper, moan, and complain.
I plan my impulsive moments.
I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.
I stayed up all night so that I could watch the sun rise, and it finally dawned on me!
I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free shop, but it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot to do in a place like that.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I WANT to have lots of patience; I just don't want to NEED it!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
I wonder if Dracula ever had ticks.
I worry that if I lose my mind nobody will notice.
If a church wants a better pastor, it can start by praying for the one it has.
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If evolution is true, why do mothers still only have one pair of hands?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If mother always knows best, what happens when two mothers disagree?
If only the elderly had strength and youngsters had wisdom.
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If you need me, I'll be on my pedestal.
If you send someone Styrofoam, how do you pack it?
If you think about it, Adam had more trouble than any of the rest of us buying his Father a gift for Father's Day. I mean, what do you get somebody who's Everything?
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.
I'll start working when the caffeine does...
I'm confused...no wait...maybe I'm not.
I'm Mom's favorite!
I'm not 50. I'm 49.95!
I'm NOT avoiding you...I'm ignoring you.
I'm still a princess right down to my glass sneakers and enchanted sweat pants!
Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Love is like a rose. You have to see past the thorns to appreciate its beauty.
Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
Measure your wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
Old friends are the best - they know everything about you but can't remember any of it!
On your birthday, send a thank you card to your mom.
One hydrogen atom to the other: "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
One time my kids wanted to surprise me with a good breakfast in bed on Father's Day. They put a cot in the kitchen.
Remember, our seasoned citizens are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs.
Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem." - President Ronald Reagan (1985)
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
The best thing to spend on your children is time.
The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly. The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is ten years.
The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
The most impressive Christians are the ones who don't try to impress.
The other night my wife asked me to take her out someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station.
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.
This is the part where I smile and nod and act like I'm listening.
To err is human...to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
We must all believe in something. I believe I'll have another piece of chocolate.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich? Because the poor had no money.
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there isn't enough?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra cent going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten?
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
With a body like this, who needs hair?
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
You're a Star Wars junkie if when trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "The Force is strong with this one."

Hope that makes you chuckle...it always does for me.

Eric

I Am...

...human.

And a Christian. (Although it may be hard to tell.)

I am confronted with my humanity, my failings, my...inadaquacies.

I am having a hard time admitting that I'm not perfect.
That I screw up.
That I am ashamed of my behaviour and attitudes.
That I am embarrassed by my behaviour and attitudes.
That I am afraid that someone will see me for what I am...a hypocrit.

I am having a hard time asking for help. (After all...I should be able to handle this on my own...right???)

I am afraid. Fear, shame, embarrassment are strong motivators...but they tend to motivate me to hide, cower under the sheets, deny, beg, bargain.

I am...mud, clay; molded only to be re-shaped in an image of...??

I've remade myself so many times that what is me isn't anything more than an amalgam of bits of this and bits of that. Pieces of what I think I should be, how I should be, what I should be...to others, to myself.

There are times I cry out for God to mold me into what He wants and then my eyes pop open in fear that He might actually do that; and to be honest it isn't what I want.

But what do I know about what I want anyways, other than being selfish.

(And yet there is a part of me that isn't selfish; I wish to be more like that.)

Somewhere there must be something good in me as others have told me I am a good man; humble, a man of integrity. (I feel like I've pulled the wool over their eyes but their basis is on my actions more than my words.) Then comes the "but". "But you just need to_____". You fill in the blank...just about anything will fit. (Dr. Laura once said something that made a lot of sense...If you say "but", you've just negated everything before the "but".)

My wife says I'm a good husband and father. But it scares me; I don't know how to talk to them, to really tell them I love and care for them. To show it opens up my heart to vulnerability.

I am...a mess right now. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically. One would think that 21 days shy of 40, I'd have figured some of this out. (I can hear my mother now, "Don't wait until you're 40 to figure this out, son. Don't be like me and wait until you're 40!)

I am...thankful for kind words, prayers, hugs.

I am thankful for my wife and kids.

I am thankful for Christ.

Where do we go from here?

Eric