How I Spent My Summer Vacation...

...or How Depression and a Family Vacation Don't Mix.

(This one's a bit of a rambling confessional...)

I'm depressed. At least, that's what I think it is. Depression. I can go from happy to angry in a matter of a couple of seconds. A word here is misconstrued there making my wife wonder what she did wrong. My kids are learning where the expression "walking on eggshells" means. My wife accused me of being a "poop-head". My sister-in-law and my nieces (always a bit uncomfortable around me anyways) finally chose to ignore me...

I hate this...

I am moments from tears for no reason. I'm 41 and I seem to be loosing it. Angry at God. Angry at life's circumstances. Angry that people don't understand why Muslim's don't like American's. Angry that people submit for our approval various conspiracy theories regarding the 9/11 plane crashes. Astounded that people will blithely drive with there cell-phone crammed to their ear and wonder why others are honking and flipping them off. Baffled by people carrying on the most initimate conversations on their cells for others to hear. Wondering if people actually look in a mirror before leaving the house in the morning or did they really think the public wants to see they wear Calvin Klein undies or that their "come and get it" tattoo looks just like every other one out there or if they think Size 6 shorts on a Size 12 butt and a size 4 top on a 34DD chest is attractive? (Can you say 'belly roll'? I knew you could!)...

Yeah, I'm a bit pissy. Even good news doesn't make me happy. Stewing in my own juices is what it used to be called. Can someone make a pill to make it all go away? (Better living through chemistry.) Besides, if I did take the pill I'd have to give up my career. Anti-depressants, anti-ADD medication results in the immediate loss of one's medical certificate without which one cannot legally fly regardless of the ratings one possesses...

Although, popping a Zanax would release me to pursue an education to become a 7th Grade History teacher. Something I've always thought would be fun. Even my son thinks I'd be good at it. It would be hard, financially, for at least 2 years. It would be hard mentally and emotionally as well. My wife would probably shoot me for wanting to change careers in mid-life...

In Newport Beach, everything is upscale. Even the McDonald's girls have French Nails and the bathrooms are freshly scented with lilac. Yeah, it's out of a can attached to the wall but hey, it ain't the fresh scent of urine and greasy Big Mac's...

In Newport Beach, (we were there for 4 days), you must have a very open mind about your body and the bodies of others. Because you're going to see a lot of body. Funny, the girl sunbathing next to us had a butterfly tattoo on the right side of her abdomen. Later, when we returned to the Marriott, she was behind the counter. I'm pretty sure it was her. The only way to confirm would be to ask her is I could see her tattoo. I'm baaad....

SeaWorld has gone corporate. Really. Last time I was there was in 1984. Now it's owned by Anhueser-Busch so you get a beer-garden, beer brewing school and Clydesdale's with your sea lions and killer whales. I remember the shows taught you a little about the animals. Now it seems all they do is perform the same tricks, 5 times a day, for a handful of fish and the audience is entertained...no...distracted for 15-20 minutes not learning a damn thing about why these animals are willing to perform the same tricks, 5 times a day, for a handful of fish. At least MarineWorld, who have given into the amusement park ride syndrome, still educates when you see the animal shows. What's next? The Starbuck's San Diego Zoo Presents, Simba the Lion Show???...

I could really use some stability. What I mean is, knowing what's going to happen next. Unfortunately, Life isn't TIVO'ed so I can't fast forward to find out which way I should go and how it's all going to turn out. I won't know if Decision "A" is any better or worse than Decision "B"....

No one does, really. Do they???

Eric