My daughter has been playing fast-pitch girls softball for the last three years. She's 12 now and this has been the best season for her so far. Her first season was an intro to softball. She played on her best friend's team. Her dad was the coach and is also a friend of mine. She learned the fundamentals and had a fun time. Second year wasn't so good. The coach was a win at all costs kind of guy. Concentrated on his star players and left the others in outfield.
This year, she got a coach who cared more about the girls learning the game and having fun than the score. He even told the girls they were behind by 6 points a lot whether he knew the score or not! After a 12-0 undefeated season (including beating not once but twice, my daughter's coach from last year!), the team entered the playoffs. The last game was a nail-biter. Down 13-11 in the bottom of the seventh, my daughter gets a base hit and the ump finally realizes the first baseman lifts her foot at the last minute thus not completing the out. Three batters later and she's come home the team's best hitter is on third. The second best hitter is up to bat and the opposing coach tells his pitcher to walk her. We parents in the stands boo and the Ump tells us to keep quiet. Kelsey gets walked and as she gets to first, Coach Mike tells her to take 2nd. Then he yells, "THROW HER OUT AT SECOND!" which causes everyone to look that way including the opposing coach and the pitcher who over-throws 2nd! Out of the corner of my eye I see Katelyn stealing home from 3rd and that's it...game over...14-11! A 15-0 undefeated season! The girls played hard but in the end, the other team was out-coached!
All through this last month of playoffs there were two deaths in the family. My wife's Uncle was killed by a drunk driver in Florida and my cousin's husband succumbed to his battle with a failing liver, heart disease and diabetes. On top of that, my mother-in-law was informed that some the polyps in the foot of colon they removed had cancer. We're hoping the colonectomy removed all the offending cancer but we wait to hear the final prognosis.
And my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, should have popped out Boy #2 by today but so far, nothing.
Add to that, my good friend Larry is the object of a witch hunt at his place of employment. His District Manager has never liked him and is in the process of stretching incidents into something they are not. Larry is what any store manager should be; he is customer service oriented, always looking out for the best interests of the company as well as the customers. He and his wife are very giving and have the gift of hospitality. This is really, really causing some major stress in their life. He has been suspended with pay pending further investigation.
I know how that feels.
Makes you feel like shite.
The worse part for my wife and I is there is nothing we can say to change circumstances, to make them feel better, to put any kind of shine to this. All we can do for them is what they did for us 2 years ago when I went through my own work issues.
Pray.
(I told his wife that when this is all over and Larry is exonerated that she should ask the DM if she wants to be a man. When she says "no" then ask her why she was being such a dick. I know...)
So life rolls on. Rain falls on the good and the bad alike. We wonder why the evil prosper while the good suffer. We celebrate victories, we celebrate life. We mourn those who've departed and comfort those who are suffering. We are reminded in the Psalms of David that despite how we feel about our enemies, despite what sins we've committed, what struggle we're going through, God is there. He is to whom we can turn. Even when we get to the point of asking Him to either kill all of our enemies or to take us home He is there.
I don't know about Larry but when I went through my year of hell my faith was the only thing that kept me going. Not to diminish the presence of my wife who suffered a different type of pain watching her husband be beaten down, physically, mentally and emotionally, but I was hanging on the thread that all I could trust in was God. I do know this, it only lasts for a little while.
How long is a little while? This long.
Eric
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
A Voice From the Past
I was standing at the counter at Hemet-Ryan airport paying for gas when my cell phone rang. The number had a 909 prefix and, not paying attention to the rest of the number, I assumed it was my sister as she lives in Alta Loma. Suddenly there's a voice saying it's Curt. Momentarily confused I wondered why my brother Kurt was calling me from the 909 area code when he was supposes to be in Canada driving a truck full of horses to support his wife and child (and the one on the way!)
Stop the tape, rewind. Let me explain. No. Let me sum up.
My sister once married a guy named Curt. Her brother (and mine) is named Kurt as well. Different spelling. Which made it fun for me to steal and paraphrase a line from Bob Newhart; "Hi! I'm Eric and this is my brother Kurt and my other brother Curt!"
Start the tape.
Curt had Googled himself (you've all done it...don't deny it!) and found his name in my Blog. Odd, I hadn't recalled using his full name in my Blog but a quick Google search myself revealed that I had. My bad. I try not to use full names. Knowing I still lived in Redding it was only a matter of time and a couple of phone calls to locate me...or at least my cell phone.
I hadn't spoken with Curt in over 5 years. He and my sister had a bit of a falling out some years back. Curt made some poor choices and in the end, he and my sister divorced. Curt went through the "long, dark, tea-time of the soul" and, like me, was hoping the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't the lamp from an oncoming train. So I really didn't know what to make of the phone call. I knew from other friends in So Cal that he had called them; reaching out in a sort of way. It could have had something to do with the fact that the last time I talked to him I was rather blunt or as my wife would say, not very sociable. Let's just say Curt's behaviour left a rather bad taste in my mouth. And in the mouth's of everyone in the family. So I was a bit surprised to hear from him.
His manner of speech was laced with words straight from the thesaurus. But Curt always spoke that way. If it wasn't for that, I truly wouldn't have recognized him based on his voice alone. He even commented that I sounded different. Of course we both realized that we had gotten older...40-ish-something! ;)
Curt did say something both on the phone and in a subsequent email. That I was brilliant.
Er...
Uh...
Huh?
Brilliant is not an adjective that is usually associated with me. Me and brilliant are not usually used in the same sentence unless it is used sarcastically accompanied by eye rolling.
I'm not brilliant by any means. I am simply a man. Flawed. Selfish. Desperately searching for a way to keep even keeled. I have stripped away all of what I've learned and boiled it down to this...
Without Christ, I am nothing. I hold onto the fact that I am His and He holds me in His hands. I could argue the faith, spout the party line, have the right answer at the right time. I could present a man who had it dialed in. And it was all a facade. My house of theological, religious cards was just that....a house of cards. And it fell like houses of cards are wont to do.
You see, I tried everything that came down the pike. All the books, all the programs, all the steps. Anything that promised a "closer walk with Thee". It was crap. It was a replacement for the real thing. It was like drinking RC Cola instead of Coke. (Nothing wrong with RC Cola, especially those of you in the south!) Now I am having to rediscover what it means to be a Child of God all over again. The pisser is, I'm doing this in my 40's instead of my 20's or 30's. Fortunately God is a patient God, a loving God, a gracious God and particularly, a merciful God. Fortunately He allows us the free will to discover things rather than shoving them down our throats.
So, if that's what it takes to be "brilliant"; airing my struggles, my failures, my despair, my triumphs and my discoveries (some of which many of you have already discovered!), then I guess I am brilliant.
Nah...not brilliant. Just human. Flawed and forgiven. Learning to find Jesus' grace in everything. Learning all over that it's Sola Gratia, Sola Fide, Sola Scriptura, Solely Jesus.
Curt, I hope that makes sense. Remember, this is a place for ramblings!
Eric
Stop the tape, rewind. Let me explain. No. Let me sum up.
My sister once married a guy named Curt. Her brother (and mine) is named Kurt as well. Different spelling. Which made it fun for me to steal and paraphrase a line from Bob Newhart; "Hi! I'm Eric and this is my brother Kurt and my other brother Curt!"
Start the tape.
Curt had Googled himself (you've all done it...don't deny it!) and found his name in my Blog. Odd, I hadn't recalled using his full name in my Blog but a quick Google search myself revealed that I had. My bad. I try not to use full names. Knowing I still lived in Redding it was only a matter of time and a couple of phone calls to locate me...or at least my cell phone.
I hadn't spoken with Curt in over 5 years. He and my sister had a bit of a falling out some years back. Curt made some poor choices and in the end, he and my sister divorced. Curt went through the "long, dark, tea-time of the soul" and, like me, was hoping the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't the lamp from an oncoming train. So I really didn't know what to make of the phone call. I knew from other friends in So Cal that he had called them; reaching out in a sort of way. It could have had something to do with the fact that the last time I talked to him I was rather blunt or as my wife would say, not very sociable. Let's just say Curt's behaviour left a rather bad taste in my mouth. And in the mouth's of everyone in the family. So I was a bit surprised to hear from him.
His manner of speech was laced with words straight from the thesaurus. But Curt always spoke that way. If it wasn't for that, I truly wouldn't have recognized him based on his voice alone. He even commented that I sounded different. Of course we both realized that we had gotten older...40-ish-something! ;)
Curt did say something both on the phone and in a subsequent email. That I was brilliant.
Er...
Uh...
Huh?
Brilliant is not an adjective that is usually associated with me. Me and brilliant are not usually used in the same sentence unless it is used sarcastically accompanied by eye rolling.
I'm not brilliant by any means. I am simply a man. Flawed. Selfish. Desperately searching for a way to keep even keeled. I have stripped away all of what I've learned and boiled it down to this...
Without Christ, I am nothing. I hold onto the fact that I am His and He holds me in His hands. I could argue the faith, spout the party line, have the right answer at the right time. I could present a man who had it dialed in. And it was all a facade. My house of theological, religious cards was just that....a house of cards. And it fell like houses of cards are wont to do.
You see, I tried everything that came down the pike. All the books, all the programs, all the steps. Anything that promised a "closer walk with Thee". It was crap. It was a replacement for the real thing. It was like drinking RC Cola instead of Coke. (Nothing wrong with RC Cola, especially those of you in the south!) Now I am having to rediscover what it means to be a Child of God all over again. The pisser is, I'm doing this in my 40's instead of my 20's or 30's. Fortunately God is a patient God, a loving God, a gracious God and particularly, a merciful God. Fortunately He allows us the free will to discover things rather than shoving them down our throats.
So, if that's what it takes to be "brilliant"; airing my struggles, my failures, my despair, my triumphs and my discoveries (some of which many of you have already discovered!), then I guess I am brilliant.
Nah...not brilliant. Just human. Flawed and forgiven. Learning to find Jesus' grace in everything. Learning all over that it's Sola Gratia, Sola Fide, Sola Scriptura, Solely Jesus.
Curt, I hope that makes sense. Remember, this is a place for ramblings!
Eric
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Something Incredible
First, read this. Something Incredible.
I'll bet many of us have a similar story. And for every one of us who does, it turns into a light bulb moment. How does that line go? "Now we see through a glass darkly..."
Life never turns out like we think it should or want. I've been playing around with this thought of "If I knew then what I know now, how would life be different?" I've been toying with writing this out as a novel...one man gets the chance to relive his life from age 18. A chance to do the "right" things. A chance to make those leaps of faith, take those chances, and do that which he didn't do or should have done or shouldn't have done.
Then I thought, "What if what he chose to do in this alternate reality changes the things he loves in this reality? How does he protect the good things he wants and has and change that which he feels needs changing?"
And it came to me...he can't. Only God knows how this all turns out and He ain't telling me my story. My part in it has to be discovered as I move from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. There is a theory that for every decision there are multiple other decisions and with each of those other decisions, big or small, another universe is created where you chose "B" instead of "A". In each of those universes, the "B" decision took you down an entirely different path than the "A" decision. Science fiction writers have played with this in numerous formats. Literature, "The Man Who Folded Himself" (and just about any Star Trek novel!), TV, the aforementioned Star Trek, "All Good Things". Movies, comic books, articles, etc.
We are given one life to live. How we live it is up to us. We will miss opportunities. We will have regrets. We will make good choices that at first seem wrong. We will make wrong choices that at first seem right. We will see others never make a bad decision and others who can't seem to make a correct one to save their lives.
At age 34 I was pretty comfortable with who I was. I thought I had most of "it" figured out. It only took 5 years for me to find out I still didn't know squat and that straining against the goads is a waste of time, effort and energy.
So Taximan may be driving a cab into infinity but I'm sure there are experiences out there in the next year or so that he cannot comprehend now and might miss (or not) if he chooses another path which may or may not contain experiences and surprises he (and we) cannot comprehend.
Keep on truckin' Taximan...
Eric
I'll bet many of us have a similar story. And for every one of us who does, it turns into a light bulb moment. How does that line go? "Now we see through a glass darkly..."
Life never turns out like we think it should or want. I've been playing around with this thought of "If I knew then what I know now, how would life be different?" I've been toying with writing this out as a novel...one man gets the chance to relive his life from age 18. A chance to do the "right" things. A chance to make those leaps of faith, take those chances, and do that which he didn't do or should have done or shouldn't have done.
Then I thought, "What if what he chose to do in this alternate reality changes the things he loves in this reality? How does he protect the good things he wants and has and change that which he feels needs changing?"
And it came to me...he can't. Only God knows how this all turns out and He ain't telling me my story. My part in it has to be discovered as I move from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. There is a theory that for every decision there are multiple other decisions and with each of those other decisions, big or small, another universe is created where you chose "B" instead of "A". In each of those universes, the "B" decision took you down an entirely different path than the "A" decision. Science fiction writers have played with this in numerous formats. Literature, "The Man Who Folded Himself" (and just about any Star Trek novel!), TV, the aforementioned Star Trek, "All Good Things". Movies, comic books, articles, etc.
We are given one life to live. How we live it is up to us. We will miss opportunities. We will have regrets. We will make good choices that at first seem wrong. We will make wrong choices that at first seem right. We will see others never make a bad decision and others who can't seem to make a correct one to save their lives.
At age 34 I was pretty comfortable with who I was. I thought I had most of "it" figured out. It only took 5 years for me to find out I still didn't know squat and that straining against the goads is a waste of time, effort and energy.
So Taximan may be driving a cab into infinity but I'm sure there are experiences out there in the next year or so that he cannot comprehend now and might miss (or not) if he chooses another path which may or may not contain experiences and surprises he (and we) cannot comprehend.
Keep on truckin' Taximan...
Eric
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