Friday, November 12, 2010

Chiropratic for the Neural Pathways

It's been a while since my last post. In that time I have been seeing a therapist for my PTSD. We have done EMDR; Eye Movement Desensitization and Retraining.

Never heard of it until one day while engineering a talk show on psychology. The guest was talking about EMDR and PTSD. We were talking during the break about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and how it wasn't/didn't seem to help. The host asked me point blankly if I'd "been cured" of my PTSD. I said, "Hell NO!" He just smiled and we went back into the show.

It has been my understanding that you cannot cure PTSD. You just deal with it. Live with it. Try to minimize its effects over time. Turns out, I was partially wrong. With EMDR, my brain can be "retrained" in how it responds to certain stimuli. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is the most intense reaction, I can respond with a level 2 after EMDR.

Since no one can really explain the "why" or "how" just that it works I simply refer to it as Chiropractic for the Neural Pathways since what the EMDR Therapy does is re-arrange the neural pathways where the memories of the trauma occur. Instead of being all twisted and out of whack and subject to any disruption, the EMDR therapy "straightens them out" allowing the body to not over-react to stimuli. Good for me!

After my second session I was driving home and noticed thunderclouds over the mountains to the north. Normally I would start to feel an anxiety attack come on and feel very warm and insecure. That day I actually thought, "Look at those cool clouds!" Something I hadn't said since January of 2008 when I nearly crashed after I inadvertently flew into a thunderstorm.

Now I respond with a Level 2 instead of a Level 10. So can suck it. While I wouldn't say I'm "cured" I am much more able to continue in my chosen profession, aviation, much better than I ever could in the last 2 1/2 years.

See ya PTSD...
See ya Anxiety attacks...
See ya sleepless nights...
See ya nightmares...

Hello confidence...nice to see you again!


Monday, May 31, 2010

Hey PTSD...

...fuck off.

I really shouldn't say that. God allowed it for a reason and I'm learning. But I hate PTSD and all it's done to me over the last 2 1/2 years.

I need a full-time job.
Wife needs me to have a full-time job.


Friday, March 05, 2010

Sofa King Tired

Tired. I'm tired of looking for a job for 2 years. I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of PTSD. I'm tired of ADHD. I'm tired of praying to a God who seems to enjoy seeing me slog through the mud and never offering a hand out of the miry clay. I'm tired of praying for my wife and son and daughter and having no response. I'm tired of the constant war with my son over simple obedience, respect for others, and pulling up his damn pants. I'm tired of crying, begging, pleading in prayer only to be ignored. I'm tired of doing all I'm told to do in the bible, reading the Psalms and promises of God to see that it applies to everyone else but me. I'm tired of reading of people who have been out of work for 4 months and getting a great job while I'm sitting here pushing 2 years suffering for a couple of mistakes.

I'm sofa king tired...

I even went as far as to question whether there is a god or not. And if there is, He obviously doesn't like, care about, or listen to my wife and I. I truly believe He has labeled me the "Nation of Israel" at the height of her rebellion and placed me in exile for 70 years.

I'm tempted to change my FB religious status to "Undecided", email the worship leader and tell him and the Pastor to remove me from the worship team, and beat the crap out of the next asshole who can't navigate around a parking lot or grocery store because his head's up his ass.

I'm sofa king tired...

God...if You're really out there...I could use a hand. If not, then stop punishing me...I get it.