Friday, March 05, 2010

Sofa King Tired

Tired. I'm tired of looking for a job for 2 years. I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of PTSD. I'm tired of ADHD. I'm tired of praying to a God who seems to enjoy seeing me slog through the mud and never offering a hand out of the miry clay. I'm tired of praying for my wife and son and daughter and having no response. I'm tired of the constant war with my son over simple obedience, respect for others, and pulling up his damn pants. I'm tired of crying, begging, pleading in prayer only to be ignored. I'm tired of doing all I'm told to do in the bible, reading the Psalms and promises of God to see that it applies to everyone else but me. I'm tired of reading of people who have been out of work for 4 months and getting a great job while I'm sitting here pushing 2 years suffering for a couple of mistakes.

I'm sofa king tired...

I even went as far as to question whether there is a god or not. And if there is, He obviously doesn't like, care about, or listen to my wife and I. I truly believe He has labeled me the "Nation of Israel" at the height of her rebellion and placed me in exile for 70 years.

I'm tempted to change my FB religious status to "Undecided", email the worship leader and tell him and the Pastor to remove me from the worship team, and beat the crap out of the next asshole who can't navigate around a parking lot or grocery store because his head's up his ass.

I'm sofa king tired...

God...if You're really out there...I could use a hand. If not, then stop punishing me...I get it.