...and counting.
That's how long the missus and I have been married.
She asked me to dub the two videos we have of our wedding onto DVD. That was fun watching a wedding from 1988. Man...we had some big hair!! Everyone was so skinny and young. Hard to imagine sometimes. We seem to continually see ourselves are we were long ago. I see kids from my Sunday School classes or Campus Life clubs who are grown, married and have babies. It takes me a while to see them as adults, yes younger than me, but adults nonetheless. I now know how my friends parents feel when they see me. They remember me as being 150 lbs. soaking wet, long hair, goofy grin (still have that!) and my whole life ahead of me. I now know why my friends parents groaned when they heard our kids are in Jr. High. Why? Because I groan when those in my youth groups show me their 4 year old! What does it mean???
I'M GETTING OLD!!
As one old preacher said, "Don't say you're getting old, say you're fulfilling prophecy!"
I kinda like that even though the guy in the mirror this morning had another grey hair, another wrinkle and his back was crying out in pain because he did yard work the day before! Yes, I'm not 21 nor am I 30. I'm 41 and still plugging away. It's not easy for us to grow old I guess. I think that's something God allowed to happen after the fall. If we were to be reminded on a daily basis that we are not getting any younger we might snap and take out our local post office! I think we're reminded yearly as a means of reflecting on where we've been, where we're going, and how much we can thank God for the blessings. Thank God for letting us make it this far.
I know this isn't news to most, especially for those who have gone before. What is revelation for us is old hat for them and something others will worry about in the future. It's all about perspective.
The wife and I will make it another 18 I know. After that, we'll keep plugging along until one of us croaks or the Lord comes back. Either way, it's 'til death do us part'!
Eric
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Single Motherhood
She was in my Sunday School class when I first started teaching high school Sunday School. She was ditzy, cute, funny, fell of her chair quite often and a bit messed up.
Her mother and father were divorced; she referred to her father as "bio-dad" indicating the man was merely a sperm donor and not much else. Especially after her mother died and she was shopped off to her Aunt and Uncle, her Mom's sister, here in Redding. Her Aunt and Uncle took her in and it created a bit of a stir in the household as her cousin was an only child. They were about 2 years apart in age, he being older.
She carried all the scars of being a step or adopted child with the added baggage of the difference between her mother's lifestyle and her Aunt's lifestyle. Mom was a professional cheerleader at one time and liked the stylish life. Her Aunt was christian and a homebody who married young and struggled through the early days of her marriage as most of us do. Needless to say she clashed with some of the new rules that came with her move in her early teens.
She wound up in my Sunday School class and secretly, she was my favorite. There were others who were special, but she was the one I worried about most. She's the one who sprang unbidden to my mind at times causing me to really stop and pray hard that she was okay. Most of the other kids in the group I didn't worry too much about. They had good heads on their shoulders and turned out pretty good. One's a teacher here in Redding, another is an aspiring pastor, another is a missionary in Japan. All are wonderful adults now.
But SB was the one that all youth pastors get. The one who you think gets it then turns around and does the complete opposite. The one you worry that will get pregnant. Will get caught up in drugs. Will run around with the wrong crowd all the while knowing she's doing wrong but in full-on rebellion against anyone and anything that says she can't. And yet she claims and at times, demonstrates faith in Christ.
She's the one who, in the middle of reading my bible one night in a New York hotel room, came to mind with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. My prayer became feverish, I felt a heavy, weighted presence in the room. I prayed harder and the weight became heavier. I cried out to God, not understanding the intensity of the feelings I was having when the weight disappeared.
I mentioned this in passing to a missionary friend of mine who was on Sabbatical from Ecuador. He said something to the affect that the enemy didn't like what I was doing and was trying to get me to stop. Freak City man. I mentioned about whom I was praying for as he knew her and he kind of chuckled and understood. She would be the one he said.
I hadn't seen her in a while but had kept up with her comings and goings via her Aunt and Uncle. About a year ago I saw her again and found out she had decided to get her life back in order. She'd had an abortion and had kicked a drug problem and was now using her experiences to teach young girls the consequences of looking for love in all the wrong places as the old song goes. We found out this year that she was pregnant when we saw her last year.
This year, we saw her again but this time she had a bouncing baby boy. I was thrilled that she had kept the baby. Sad that she was unmarried and would have to face the harsh realities of being a single mother. I was glad she had moved back home and had realized that her Aunt and Uncle were really her Mom and Dad now so much so that that is how she refers to them...as Mom and Dad.
Of course "Mom and Dad" were thrilled at another grandchild (their oldest/only son had given them a grandson two years earlier) but at 50, were not exactly in the "child-rearing" mode any more. But they were glad to help out as is their nature. They are good parents who saw the errors of their ways and raised their son and niece with truth about logical consequences, the meaning of faith, the strength of family and the love of God. She is seeing that now.
I've been thinking a lot about her since seeing her again. I was thinking about my reaction to her predicament. You see, I was raised in a pretty fundamental church which wouldn't have supported her the way her family is doing now. Yes, they would have pitched in with some clothes and food but the underlying attitude would be, "slut", "whore", "sleaze"...all the things good Christians weren't. Of course they'd reply that it's their Christian duty to help this poor girl out but she shouldn't have been a strumpet and slept around! I couldn't help thinking that the church I grew up in would systematically shove her to the background and make her a second-class Christian.
But what should my reaction be? Should I condemn her for getting pregnant out of wedlock? She knows that's not what God wants of his children. Do I not help her out? After all, she made her bed, she sinned, now she has to suffer the consequences. Or do I display compassion while not condoning the behaviour? I was surprised at my initial response. I found I was filled with compassion for her. Why? Because I saw so much growth in her as a person when she held her son in her arms. She was no longer the flighty teen, the hottie-on-the-prowl 20-something. She was a mom and I think she understood what that meant. It wasn't about her anymore, it was about something bigger than her.
She cuts hair for a living. I went to her to get a haircut which is pretty gutsy in and of itself as she was always my favorite target for teasing in class. When I sat down she said, "You sure you want me to do this because I could pay you back you know?!" I laughed and said, "I know...but I trust you." I could tell she was a little nervous cutting my hair but she did a fine job and I'd go back to her in a minute. She chatted non-stop which is normal for her but I could see a maturity in her that was pleasing to see. I could see the prayers of the last 10 years finally coming into fruition. I could see her finally able to make that connection between her and God.
I didn't push or talk too much about her spiritual life but she didn't seem to have a problem bringing up my involvement in church or faith things around the others in the salon. (Which at Penney's is right next to the lingerie section...man I'm glad nobody I knew saw me hangin' out next to the silk undies!!) She seems to have accepted her circumstances even though she still has a ton of baggage she is dealing with because of her past. (Don't we all?)
My prayers for her now are different than they were before. They are filled with her coming to know God in a way other than the Stern Father or Cosmic Killjoy. They are filled with asking God's continued protection for her and her son. They are filled with, someday, God providing a loving man who will take her as his own, child and all, and love her the way she needs to be loved. Not as a means to an end but as a woman.
My prayers are also for others to not treat her as a pariah. But to be Christ to her. To not condemn or condone but to come along side as her Aunt and Uncle and as her Aunt and Uncle's close friends have done. For others to provide her with proper role models of motherhood.
So say we should shame people into doing good. Shame has its place. But I think some people go overboard in the shame department. Don't get me wrong, we should be ashamed of our behaviour when it is contrary to our beliefs and our societal mores and laws. But when society says there is no shame in any behaviour, how do we express our discontent? That's a post for another day. For now, I'm not going to shame SB. I'm going to continue to do what I've been doing, what her Aunt and Uncle have been doing. What others around her have been doing. Providing support, providing love, providing an example. Without it being a handout. Without strings attached. But with love....
Eric
Her mother and father were divorced; she referred to her father as "bio-dad" indicating the man was merely a sperm donor and not much else. Especially after her mother died and she was shopped off to her Aunt and Uncle, her Mom's sister, here in Redding. Her Aunt and Uncle took her in and it created a bit of a stir in the household as her cousin was an only child. They were about 2 years apart in age, he being older.
She carried all the scars of being a step or adopted child with the added baggage of the difference between her mother's lifestyle and her Aunt's lifestyle. Mom was a professional cheerleader at one time and liked the stylish life. Her Aunt was christian and a homebody who married young and struggled through the early days of her marriage as most of us do. Needless to say she clashed with some of the new rules that came with her move in her early teens.
She wound up in my Sunday School class and secretly, she was my favorite. There were others who were special, but she was the one I worried about most. She's the one who sprang unbidden to my mind at times causing me to really stop and pray hard that she was okay. Most of the other kids in the group I didn't worry too much about. They had good heads on their shoulders and turned out pretty good. One's a teacher here in Redding, another is an aspiring pastor, another is a missionary in Japan. All are wonderful adults now.
But SB was the one that all youth pastors get. The one who you think gets it then turns around and does the complete opposite. The one you worry that will get pregnant. Will get caught up in drugs. Will run around with the wrong crowd all the while knowing she's doing wrong but in full-on rebellion against anyone and anything that says she can't. And yet she claims and at times, demonstrates faith in Christ.
She's the one who, in the middle of reading my bible one night in a New York hotel room, came to mind with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. My prayer became feverish, I felt a heavy, weighted presence in the room. I prayed harder and the weight became heavier. I cried out to God, not understanding the intensity of the feelings I was having when the weight disappeared.
I mentioned this in passing to a missionary friend of mine who was on Sabbatical from Ecuador. He said something to the affect that the enemy didn't like what I was doing and was trying to get me to stop. Freak City man. I mentioned about whom I was praying for as he knew her and he kind of chuckled and understood. She would be the one he said.
I hadn't seen her in a while but had kept up with her comings and goings via her Aunt and Uncle. About a year ago I saw her again and found out she had decided to get her life back in order. She'd had an abortion and had kicked a drug problem and was now using her experiences to teach young girls the consequences of looking for love in all the wrong places as the old song goes. We found out this year that she was pregnant when we saw her last year.
This year, we saw her again but this time she had a bouncing baby boy. I was thrilled that she had kept the baby. Sad that she was unmarried and would have to face the harsh realities of being a single mother. I was glad she had moved back home and had realized that her Aunt and Uncle were really her Mom and Dad now so much so that that is how she refers to them...as Mom and Dad.
Of course "Mom and Dad" were thrilled at another grandchild (their oldest/only son had given them a grandson two years earlier) but at 50, were not exactly in the "child-rearing" mode any more. But they were glad to help out as is their nature. They are good parents who saw the errors of their ways and raised their son and niece with truth about logical consequences, the meaning of faith, the strength of family and the love of God. She is seeing that now.
I've been thinking a lot about her since seeing her again. I was thinking about my reaction to her predicament. You see, I was raised in a pretty fundamental church which wouldn't have supported her the way her family is doing now. Yes, they would have pitched in with some clothes and food but the underlying attitude would be, "slut", "whore", "sleaze"...all the things good Christians weren't. Of course they'd reply that it's their Christian duty to help this poor girl out but she shouldn't have been a strumpet and slept around! I couldn't help thinking that the church I grew up in would systematically shove her to the background and make her a second-class Christian.
But what should my reaction be? Should I condemn her for getting pregnant out of wedlock? She knows that's not what God wants of his children. Do I not help her out? After all, she made her bed, she sinned, now she has to suffer the consequences. Or do I display compassion while not condoning the behaviour? I was surprised at my initial response. I found I was filled with compassion for her. Why? Because I saw so much growth in her as a person when she held her son in her arms. She was no longer the flighty teen, the hottie-on-the-prowl 20-something. She was a mom and I think she understood what that meant. It wasn't about her anymore, it was about something bigger than her.
She cuts hair for a living. I went to her to get a haircut which is pretty gutsy in and of itself as she was always my favorite target for teasing in class. When I sat down she said, "You sure you want me to do this because I could pay you back you know?!" I laughed and said, "I know...but I trust you." I could tell she was a little nervous cutting my hair but she did a fine job and I'd go back to her in a minute. She chatted non-stop which is normal for her but I could see a maturity in her that was pleasing to see. I could see the prayers of the last 10 years finally coming into fruition. I could see her finally able to make that connection between her and God.
I didn't push or talk too much about her spiritual life but she didn't seem to have a problem bringing up my involvement in church or faith things around the others in the salon. (Which at Penney's is right next to the lingerie section...man I'm glad nobody I knew saw me hangin' out next to the silk undies!!) She seems to have accepted her circumstances even though she still has a ton of baggage she is dealing with because of her past. (Don't we all?)
My prayers for her now are different than they were before. They are filled with her coming to know God in a way other than the Stern Father or Cosmic Killjoy. They are filled with asking God's continued protection for her and her son. They are filled with, someday, God providing a loving man who will take her as his own, child and all, and love her the way she needs to be loved. Not as a means to an end but as a woman.
My prayers are also for others to not treat her as a pariah. But to be Christ to her. To not condemn or condone but to come along side as her Aunt and Uncle and as her Aunt and Uncle's close friends have done. For others to provide her with proper role models of motherhood.
So say we should shame people into doing good. Shame has its place. But I think some people go overboard in the shame department. Don't get me wrong, we should be ashamed of our behaviour when it is contrary to our beliefs and our societal mores and laws. But when society says there is no shame in any behaviour, how do we express our discontent? That's a post for another day. For now, I'm not going to shame SB. I'm going to continue to do what I've been doing, what her Aunt and Uncle have been doing. What others around her have been doing. Providing support, providing love, providing an example. Without it being a handout. Without strings attached. But with love....
Eric
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Certain Songs
There are certain songs and songwriters that have been able to explain what I'm feeling/going through over the years. Michael Roe of The 77's, Terry Taylor from Daniel Amos/Swirling Eddies, Steve Taylor and most recently, Derri Daugherty from The Choir/Lost Dogs.
The Choir's latest release, "Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen" contains lyrics that offer me hope and describe this time in my life. Maybe the Choir Boys are going through some of the same stuff I'm dealing with (we're near the same age) or maybe God sent this along at the right time.
An example:
I ask this question of myself quite a bit lately. But the answer comes back to this...
Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace.
Rescue me............
Eric
The Choir's latest release, "Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen" contains lyrics that offer me hope and describe this time in my life. Maybe the Choir Boys are going through some of the same stuff I'm dealing with (we're near the same age) or maybe God sent this along at the right time.
An example:
Enough to Love (Hindalong, Daugherty)
If I could touch with my fumbling hands your scars
If I could know in my rebel mind your heart
If I could see with my lusting eyes your face
If I could taste on my withered tongue sweet grace
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to love
If I could hear with two muffled ears your voice
If could find in my troubled life true joy
If I could feel with numb fingers your spirit
If I could drink for my barren soul your tears
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to die
Enough to love
If I could touch with my trembling hands your scars
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to live
Enough to love
I ask this question of myself quite a bit lately. But the answer comes back to this...
Mercy Will Prevail (Hindalong, Byrd, Daugherty, Tim Chandler)
I wanna swear it’s true but it’s hard to defend it
I know it comes from You and I don’t comprehend it
Love never fails
Mercy will prevail
I wanna swear it’s true but it’s hard to defend it
In the chill of a cruel word
In the nest of a wounded bird
In the shadow of doubt
In the smoke
In the smoke of a torch blown out
I wanna swear it’s true but it’s hard to believe it
I know it comes from You so I want to receive it
Divine love never fails
Mercy will prevail
I wanna swear it’s true but it’s hard to believe it
In the thrust of a bayonet
In the hour of deep regret
In a world gone insane
In the eye
In the eye of a hurricane
In the chill of a cruel word
In the nest of a wounded bird
In the shadow of doubt
In the smoke
In the smoke of a torch blown out
In the flight of a sharp stone
In the rubble where children moan
In our own apathy
In the blood
In the river at Calvary
Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace.
To Rescue Me (Hindalong, Daugherty)
When I can’t hold on much longer
To a rope weathered and frayed
When I can’t find hope and I’m losing faith
The savior reaches in
To still the howling wind
To calm the storm within
To rescue me
To rescue me
When I think I might surrender
To the vengeance of the tide
When I’m lost in sin and I don’t see light
The savior reaches low
Under the torrid flow
To save my sinking soul
And rescue me
The savior calls my name
When I feel most ashamed
He comes to take the blame
And rescue me
To rescue me
To rescue me
Rescue me............
Eric
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Ramblings
Eye doctor appointments. Right up there with dentist appointments. I'm a wuss. I hate going to either of them because they hurt. I have sensitive teeth and the scraping and poking at the dentist just drives me nuts! I don't like things touching my eyes so the glaucoma test and the gooey, yellow eye drops (which look like the buttery substance that Jolly Time popcorn puts in their "Blast O' Butter" popcorn...the best microwave popcorn on the market!), just stings...for hours....
Going to sim training on the King Air 90 in Oct. Back to Dallas/Ft. Worth airport for a week. Oct 1. thru Oct 7. Too bad the Cowboys are on the road both weekends or I'd go a day earlier or stay a day later and catch a game at Dallas Stadium before it's gone...
A friend sent me a book. It's about what I've been going through for the last couple of years; emotionally, mentally, physically, socially. All the aspects of life. I swore I'd never go through this as I was a pretty well-balanced person, or so I thought. Turns out God likes to take us through things we think we won't or don't have to go through just to show us that we can go through them. It's my goal to come out of this on the otherside a better man. My friend said the book reduced him to tears from page one. I made it to page fifty before it tore me apart. Not that pages 1 through 49 weren't hard-hitting, I'm just a little more rebellious and mulish when it comes to what's wrong with me. Probably why I don't like dentist or eye doctor appointments...
I cranked out two more chapters in my second novel. No, the first one hasn't been published and it languishes on the "G" drive as we speak. I get this way everytime I go into Barnes and Nobles and think, "Gee...all these books and I can write as good as most of these authors. Maybe I should give it a try?" Then the fear of failure rears it's ugly head and I buy a book (or two) to lose myself in for a while...
Another summer nearly gone. It's making a last gasp here in Redding. Supposed to be anywhere from 102 to 104 over the next day or two then by Friday, either 66 and rain or 76 and the possibility of rain. Now comes the seasonal battle between Summer and Fall. Fall usually loses and gets to spend a week in town then it's Winter. Spring has the same problem. It lasts only a week and loses to Summer! Still, another Summer gone and no boat and no motorcycle. When's it my turn to play again???
Eric
Going to sim training on the King Air 90 in Oct. Back to Dallas/Ft. Worth airport for a week. Oct 1. thru Oct 7. Too bad the Cowboys are on the road both weekends or I'd go a day earlier or stay a day later and catch a game at Dallas Stadium before it's gone...
A friend sent me a book. It's about what I've been going through for the last couple of years; emotionally, mentally, physically, socially. All the aspects of life. I swore I'd never go through this as I was a pretty well-balanced person, or so I thought. Turns out God likes to take us through things we think we won't or don't have to go through just to show us that we can go through them. It's my goal to come out of this on the otherside a better man. My friend said the book reduced him to tears from page one. I made it to page fifty before it tore me apart. Not that pages 1 through 49 weren't hard-hitting, I'm just a little more rebellious and mulish when it comes to what's wrong with me. Probably why I don't like dentist or eye doctor appointments...
I cranked out two more chapters in my second novel. No, the first one hasn't been published and it languishes on the "G" drive as we speak. I get this way everytime I go into Barnes and Nobles and think, "Gee...all these books and I can write as good as most of these authors. Maybe I should give it a try?" Then the fear of failure rears it's ugly head and I buy a book (or two) to lose myself in for a while...
Another summer nearly gone. It's making a last gasp here in Redding. Supposed to be anywhere from 102 to 104 over the next day or two then by Friday, either 66 and rain or 76 and the possibility of rain. Now comes the seasonal battle between Summer and Fall. Fall usually loses and gets to spend a week in town then it's Winter. Spring has the same problem. It lasts only a week and loses to Summer! Still, another Summer gone and no boat and no motorcycle. When's it my turn to play again???
Eric
Friday, September 01, 2006
"Bob, Turn Off The Porn!"
“Bob- Turn off the Porn.” “Jesus Hates That Second Helping.” “God Damns TV Addicts.” “Cruel to your wife? God should take your wife.” “Wasting God’s Money is stealing from God.” “Bob: Gossip is Murder.” “Watching your neighbor tanning again, Bob? What if God strikes you blind?” “There’s no cleavage in hell, Bob.”
Michael Spencer over at the The Boar's Head Tavern has a post about dealing with gays. It's insightful. You can find the rest of the story Right Here...it contains the above quote.
Eric
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