Military & Aviation Quotes

Some of these are just toooo goood!

Eric

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"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

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"Aim towards the Enemy."

- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

- U.S. Marine Corps

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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."

- USAF Ammo Troop

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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

- Infantry Journal

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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

- U.S. Air Force Manual

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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

- General Macarthur

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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."

- Infantry Journal

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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

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"Tracers work both ways."

- U.S. Army Ordnance

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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

- Infantry Journal

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"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."

- U.S. Navy Swabbie

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"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

- David Hackworth

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"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

- Infantry Journal

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"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."

- Joe Gay

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"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."

- Anonymous

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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

- Unknown Marine Recruit

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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

- Your Buddies

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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

- USAF Ammo Troop

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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death .. I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."

- From an old carrier sailor

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"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ... the pilot dies."

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"Never trade luck for skill."

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?",

"Where are we?"

and "Oh S...!"

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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

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"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

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"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

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"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

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"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."

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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."

- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

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"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."

- Jon McBride, astronaut

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"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."

- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."

- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognised by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?"

The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

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Black Friday

So I get up at 4 am this morning. First time in my life I've actually ventured farther than my couch on Black Friday. In the past, my wife has done the Wal-Mart, Target, Mt. Shasta Mall, get there early for the great deal thing. Not me. No way. Uhn uh.

But....

(And there's always a big but isn't there?)

I have been looking for a laptop computer for sometime now. My wife keeps telling me I need a new computer, should get a laptop with docking station. So I find an HP Pavilions with the AMD 64, Duo-thingie with 2G of RAM and a 120G HDD. Fast. It's usually 12-hundred bucks but Best Buy@ has it on sale, two days only, for $899. Such a deal. Only caveat, I have to be in line at the store at 4 am.

So there I was, 4:10, 3/4's the way around the building, chatting with an overweight gamer and a hot, high maintenance blond, waiting for BB to open. 5 am, doors open and we move from our cold, outside line to a warmer inside line. "Computer buyers head back to appliances and get in line!" Okay...wind my way for an hour in the computer line. Get to the table, show them what I want. No problem, take this piece of paper and get in that short line. Guy takes me to a longer line while trying to sell me $100 worth of additional warranties. No thanks, just give me my computer. Wait for another 1/2 hour in line to go to another line to pay for the said computer. Guy picks up a Lexmark Scanner/Copier/Printer.

"What's that?"

"It's free."

"What if I don't need another one?" (I'd just replaced my old Lexmark with an HP two months ago when the old printer went teats up!)

"I don't care...their free."

Okay...pay for computer, take free printer to another line which is down a hall. "Go to the door next to the ladies room, give them your paperwork and you'll get your computer."

No prob. Out the door with a new printer and a new laptop.

3 hours from the time I left home to the time I got back. Wife thought I maybe had gotten into an accident or maybe had to "kill someone". Nope. BB did it right. Yeah I waited 3 hours in lines (and my back is killing me!) but I got the computer I wanted at the price I wanted and I didn't have to mingle with the unwashed masses who fight and scrabble for the last $4.99 DVD of "Pirates of the Caribbean" at Wal-Mart!

And yeah...the laptop is way sweet. Got the media package. A geek stick. Much faster than my 6-year-old Compaq. Spent my bonus money. Life is....not bad right now.

Eric

Verrry Interesting

(Yes...I have been watching Rowan and Martin's Laugh In on DVD but this isn't about Arte Johnson!)

Gleaned from the Boar's Head Tavern is this link from Hans Rosling debunking some of the myths about Third World development. A bit of an eye-opener. A lot of it is basic common sense. There are a couple of anomalies that he doesn't address that I think may skew his data. China's policy of two children only and the legality of abortion in America due to Roe v. Wade. He does take into consideration the effect of HIV/AIDS in Africa as well as civil wars and world conflicts.

My interest in this comes from living in England in the mid 70's and from living in Saudi Arabia in the early 80's and seeing many different people types from that time and how those countries have changed over the decades due to technology and western influence.

Here's the link: TedTalks Hans Rosling

Eric

Passings

My uncle died yesterday.

A life-long smoker, he developed a tumor on his lung, next to his heart. Chemo and radiation therapy didn't help and two weeks ago they took his lung. His other filled with fluid and the doctor's spent a couple of days pumping his lung clear. He was released home, on O2 and a respiration therapist came by once a day to help him learn to live with only one lung.

Yesterday afternoon he wasn't feeling well and my aunt took him to the ER. The doctors there ran tests and said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. So, while watching Monday Night Football, my Uncle Jim passed away.

My wife answered the phone and then said, "You need to talk to your Mom." I immediately knew my uncle had died. Mom was emotional as to be expected; he was her older brother. His daughters, my cousins, will be in So. Cal. today to help with the arrangements and grieve for their father.

Uncle Jim was one of my mom's older siblings. There was Lotus, Vernon, Jim, mom, and Artie. Mom figured Lotus or Vernon would go first being the oldest but thinking about it, no. Vernon, despite any physical drawbacks, was always a strong man. I lived with him and my Aunt Barbara for a year and the man was as active as I was. I was 16! Lotus, despite her age, just keeps plugging along. Always busy with something to occupy her time and mind. She always seemed to be doing something and never, ever struck me as being "old".

I wasn't really close to Uncle Jim but I did feel a connection to him of sorts. When I was a child (I am the oldest, Suz was next, 2 1/2 years younger, then Kurt, who came along 6 years after me), I used to bug my sister...a lot! My mother used to say, "You're just like my brother! You're just like your Uncle Jim!" So whenever I was around Uncle Jim, I would observe him to see how he acted and behaved. It's what young kids do, not understanding the context of grown-up comments. I heard stories from my mom about how Jim used to do this, and Jim and his buddies used to do that. How Vernon and Jim did this and how Jim was always doing that. That kind of gave me a connection to my extended family.

My immediate family rarely lived near relatives. My dad's family all live in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area and my mom's family lives mainly in the Bay Area. We traveled all over due my dad working for Lockheed for years. Nor Cal (3x), So. Cal (3x), Georgia, England, Saudi Arabia and for me, Oklahoma then settled in far Northern California. We saw relatives either for a week in the summer or a week in the winter depending on where we were. We see each other a little more now at family reunions, marriages, and now, more often, funerals.

Still, even though Mom may not have been physically close to Uncle Jim until recent years when Jim and Gloria retired to the Palm Springs area and my Mom and Dad as well as my Aunt Lotus and Uncle Glen, he was still her brother. I'm glad she had the time she did at the end of his life.

Pray for my Aunt Gloria, my cousins, Gretchen and Pam and my extended family.

Eric

Spell Check Anyone?

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com


Eric

I Prayed the Prayer of Jabez...

...and all I got was this lousy Mercedes!





Eric

Answers

Here are the answers to yesterday's Candy Funny:

THE CANDY GAME

1. Another planet in our solar system: Mars
2. A famous street in New York City: 5th Avenue
3. A part of the galaxy: Milky Way
4. A series of small hills: Mounds
5. A nutty happiness: Almond Joy
6. Worker bees make this: Bit-O-Honey
7. A town in Pennsylvania: Hershey
8. A famous English author: O Henry
9. A "Peanuts" character: Peppermint Patty
10. Sly laughter: Snickers
11. Twin letters: M & M's
12. An infant of a famous baseball player: Baby Ruth
13. Absolutely nothing: Zero
14. An endurance race: Marathon
15. Greasy digits: Butterfinger
16. A day employees are glad to see: Payday
17. A famous trio: 3 Musketeers
18. A large orchestra: Symphony
19. Happy laughter: Chuckles
20. A little overweight: Chunkie
21. A thing-a-ma-jig: Watchamacallit
22. Noise at a car wreck: Crunch
23. What a married couple does: Kisses
24. What good friends give: Hugs
25. Disintegrating celestial body: Starburst
26. Fox baby and common feline: Kit Kat
27. The Trinity: Lifesavers


Eric

The Candy Game

This is more of a game than a Funny. But it's fun. Match the description with a candy bar name:

THE CANDY GAME

1. Another planet in our solar system:
2. A famous street in New York City:
3. A part of the galaxy:
4. A series of small hills:
5. A nutty happiness:
6. Worker bees make this:
7. A town in Pennsylvania:
8. A famous English author:
9. A "Peanuts" character:
10. Sly laughter:
11. Twin letters:
12. An infant of a famous baseball player:
13. Absolutely nothing:
14. An endurance race:
15. Greasy digits:
16. A day employees are glad to see:
17. A famous trio:
18. A large orchestra:
19. Happy laughter:
20. A little overweight:
21. A thing-a-ma-jig:
22. Noise at a car wreck:
23. What a married couple does:
24. What good friends give:
25. Disintegrating celestial body:
26. Fox baby and common feline:
27. The Trinity:


Answers tomorrow...

(HT to Mickey's Funnies)

Eric

"Lick Me, You Die!"

For those of you with pets, you'll get a kick out of this link.

Mere Comments - Pet Care

I have two dachshunds. One is a fat, lazy red-haired standard and the other is a wire black/red standard. Both dogs are goofs. Both bark at non-existence noises outside. The black one, Bandit, will growl at you, raise the hairs on his back at you, if you even think about walking within 100 feet of our house while he's inside, behind a security screen! The red one, Samson, will roll over and let you rub his belly but be forewarned....he'll pee on you.

If you really want an insight into Bandit, go see the movie, "Open Season". The wife and kids saw it last week and said the dachshund in the movie IS Bandit! Samson, on the other hand is too lazy to get featured in a movie. There is a video floating around of a dachshund race (I can't seem to find it right now.) In the race, a black and red comes screaming out of the gate, full bore. That's our Bandit. There's also a red who just kinda pokes along. That's our Samson.

Doxie's are pretty cool dogs. Smart. Funny. Easy to maintain. Just the way I like it!

Eric

I Think About Says It All...

...regarding John Kerry and his alleged "joke"...




Yeah...that says it all...

(HT: ProPilotWorld Forums)

Eric